A sad and joyful date.

September 26th.

It isn't a birthday or wedding or holiday, but it is a date I remember every year.  And even a few years ago when I almost didn't realize it was the 26th, my first college roommate and sweet friend Nicole faithfully sends me a "thinking/praying for you" card. (I got it a day early yesterday :) )  Three years ago that card helped me remember (and feel guilty I hadn't remembered myself...)  but every year, it still brings a rush a tears to my eyes  remembering my dad passing from his cancer my sophomore year of college.  

I was home in Chisago but was not at my Aunt Judy's house where he was staying when he passed.  The night before, we knew it would be soon and I said my goodnights and love yous, knowing it may be the last. I still stand by my feelings that the ONLY positives to cancer is you have time to prepare and say goodbye because too many other tragedies in people's lives around me have not been granted that time.

This year was no different, and I'm tearing up as I type this in my classroom modeling Work on Writing to my students,  but I also have such happy tears thinking of this date last fall.

It was last September 26th we knew we were going to become parents.  I was soo excited, happy, scared and nervous.  Andy was trying to nap for his shift work, but I had to wake and tell him.  The rush of emotions of knowing you have made a life and that your life is about to change is indescribable and like nothing I have ever felt.

And maybe I was crazy as it was risky taking a pregnancy test last year on this date in case it was negative, but I knew in my body and soul I was pregnant two days earlier.  I made myself wait to give the upcoming date a positive, full-circle-of-life meaning.  A date I can later have conversations with Declan about his Grandpa Gregg.   It was in the moments and memories with my dad that I learned to love golf, all board games but especially cribbage, and bowling.  I know Andy and I will try and pass these loves to Declan too and create our own family memories!

I am also more emotional and sadder wishing my dad was here to have met Declan and have seen me being a mom.  I get to tell Declan about him, but now I just have to believe my dad is able to look down and see us and is proud.   And someday, may we all meet again.