Being UnWired...my boundaries...

This is an update from my previous post Unwired Challenge, from blogger and author of The UnWired Mom, sarahmae.com .  As stated there, I knew I maybe would not get all the challenges down in order and in a row, plus having to read the ebook, but I am doing pretty well.  The book is a great little read and I enjoyed Sarah's honesty and all the advice from other authors too... especially What Desperate Mom's Did Before the Internet! by Ginny Walls.  

This post-it note (LOVE that my husband works at 3M... he was meant to marry a teacher ;) ) is taped on my GROUNDED laptop... My laptop now stays in my office, or sometimes if I want to be in more sunlight I bring it to my kitchen island/table for writing/school work I have spread out.   But I know my boys (including Croix!), a tidied house (I am about ready to give up on it being "clean" until next summer with heading back to work but want to now spend every weekend cleaning it for 6 hrs...), and some planks/push ups done make me feel happy and good so do I NEED to be on the computer at that moment?   I get online with a plan, only allow a tab or two open and stick to my plan and get off.

My smartphone stays on my kitchen island... all day... all night.   That is actually what I feel the most freed from..I used to have that attached to my hand, carrying it into every room, every hour of the day... nursing Declan at 3 am, I would check facebook and play candy crush and then bring phone back to bed with me and play on it for another 30 minutes even though I know bright screens don't help me sleep...  If people emailed, text, facebook, I felt I had to answer immediately.  With it in the kitchen, I check it when I am eating breakfast alone in the morning, and very sporadic, while standing up, throughout the day... about a million times less than before.  I respond to emails and non immediate texts, once a day now.  If I am watching a movie or tvshow with Andy, I'm watching it and not playing on phone.

I have quit Candy Crush... wow, do I have an extra hour in the day...However, my sister asked if I deleted app from phone and I said, "Not yet... I may play it on 14 hr round trip car ride to WI/home." But I may not and I am for sure deleting it after trip.  Because I plan to read more as I have almost finished a book I have been reading and am reminded that I love reading so do that when nursing, and falling asleep.


The book UnWired Mom only took me two days to read and below are the Challenges I have accomplished... be a bit out of order, I had to prepare around some school work and am not going "UnWired" until tomorrow....

Day 1: Stronger With a Friend... Have discussed and talked with husband and friend daily that I am doing this.  

Day 2: Write Out Your Why...  Previous Blog

Day 3: Set Up Internet Controls... I did not download an apps, but boundaries I have discussed above have really helped me recognize what I want to be free from.  

Day 4: 10-15 Years From Now... Love this! And I love dreaming and setting goals for the future, but I know I want to model good screen time for my kids and never turn them down for playing 

Day 5: Prepare for Time Offline--- Doing today... 

Day 6: An UnWired Day.... Doing Tomorrow

Day 7: Don’t Judge.... Definitely working on this with family and friends.  not a one day task, but everyday now that I feel more free.

Day 8: Your Ideal Day

Day 9: Your Realistic Day

Day 10: Interview Your Kids   Declan's a little young now... but may do something like this with my 5th graders!

Day 11: Get Together with an “in-the-flesh” friend

Day 12: Goals & Priorities

Day 13: Set Realistic Perimeters For Your Babes

Day 14: Have Purpose

Dear Declan.. You're Two Months Old!!

TWO MONTHS!!

My Sweet Boy:  (Grandma Connie pointed out that I definitely call you that the most :)!

I didn't think it was possible to be more in love with you than the days you were first born and in your first month, but apparently it is possible because I love you more now than then... I now know and accept this love will continue to deepen in me like it has loving Dad and Croix! I tear up just writing this, but you probably know by now what a sap your mom is!

You are smiling and "telling stories" and giggling and loving more and more of the world around you that it makes me slow down and appreciate it more with you and just be thankful to God for you and dad and everything great we have!  You first really giggled today with Auntie Britt as she giggled back... you giggled..she giggled... You did it solid for a minute but just like your smiling moments, but when I pick up my phone or camera to capture them you get engrossed wondering what that was and I haven't caught many but here are some gems I snuck up on you:

On my 29th birthday you "golfed" your first 18 holes with us and Uncle Timmy!  Mom had fun and you loved it too!

 On your "3rd month birthday" you will be getting baptized into your spiritual birthday with Christ!  I'm excited for that weekend already because all your grandparents will be here, Aunt Britt and hopefully both your uncles!  Plus other family that loves you!  (but NOT wanting to rush Sept here because I was "scolded" on the golf course Tuesday by a sweet, old retired women.  I said in jest, "Oh, I want to retiree in AZ with you this winter"   She said, "Do NOT wish your life away... you have a new beautiful baby... ENJOY HIM!"  and boy do I agree!! :)

But I mention your baptism in this letter now, because as much as I know I WANT to write a letter to you every month, I have a more realistic goal to write you letters around your doctor visits this first year and then 3 or 4 times a year!

Though I am excited to get back to teaching and my work friends soon, I am starting to get sad (yep... tearing up again! ;) ) to think of leaving you everyday but absence makes the heart grow fonder and I'm just gonna LOVE picking you up from daycare!  I know you'll be fine and have fun with Dave, Sarah, Adam and Eli Saturday when Dad has to work and I have Andie's bachelorette party Saturday in the cities, it is a great test because it is the longest and furthest I have been away from you!

Here are some other facts about you right now:  

Age: 2 months

Weight:   I'm guessing 13 lbs but you have checkup next week so I'll update then!
     8/15/13 Update after Dr's:  I was right on!! You are 13 lbs exactly!  58% 

Length:  24.25" long- 89%
Head:   15 7/8" 77%

Momma did not like holding your legs down while the nurse gave you THREE shots... You definitely screamed like you never had before from pain, but it was over with so quick... You have been unlike your self and fussy and hard to comfort today, 8/15, as well but that's to be expected :(  

Feats/Mobility:  You still roll over ok when we help you cheat a little but those extra pounds you have since birth make it harder I think ;)  But you keep working on your tummy time, while momma is trying to lose her tummy doing planks!

Likes:  You still like mirrors and some lights/fans, but you are not cranking your neck at all times to keep staring at something if we walk away!  And FINALLY, you love snuggling!  At least at the right times when you are still tired or getting tired.  You still like your alone time and leg kicking time too but my favorite time of my day is just those snuggles before and after you sleep!!  This past week I discovered you like books if I read them on the floor with you and you can stare at the pics... Dr. Seuss and Rainbow Fish seem to be to favorites with the black, white and crazy pics and the sparkley fish!

Dislikes: Sometimes our sling for you but sometimes not... but really, nothing else right now!  Thankfully when you cry we can usually figure it out.... Though the other day you cried for 20 minutes because you were overtired/overstimulated and Croix was so confused what was wrong with you!  If you are fussy and I can't figure out why, I've discovered getting a little Croix, Bouncer and Fuzzy hair off the floor and couch comforts you... You like the vacuum too!

I love you through and through,

Mom

The UnWired Challenge...

I knew this was for me in two minutes when I read her blog Sarahmae.com that my college friend just posted she was starting..

A) Because I got online at 6:45 to finish blogging 2 month old letter to Declan I started two days ago so I could finish it today (HAPPY 2 MONTHS DEC!!)  and 30 minutes later saw this on facebook after reading blogs and doing non-necessary things..

B) My husband is always right when he says I didn't hear him because I was looking on my phone playing stupid candy crush or facebook...

C)  I put limits on checking phone while golfing this year to not annoy my partner (who had every right to be annoyed)

D) My blog yesterday about roles and me wanting to be the best wife/mom possible I need to detach better and becoming un-addicted before I miss time with family and regret it!

And there is probably an, E, F and G but I'm going to keep those to myself ;)  And get this post done fast so I can read DAY 1 and finish his letter before Declan wakes up again!   Ha!  Both those will never happen but I don't care because I love his smiles and happiness in the morning!

So I may not get this done in 2 weeks, because of time/traveling/getting ready for going back to work,  I am going to read it/take it serious/and maybe blog more about it... but maybe not if it's not in my living free and unwired life I want to set controls on better!  Wish me luck you fellow blog "addicts" :)  J/k... most of you are not like me but if you are, do it with me!

Mommy vs. Wife vs. Brooke vs. Mrs Thrall

When we forget who we truly are, we turn to external rules to define goodness and morality. 
When we no longer live from our heart, we search for cleaver strategies to guide our actions.
This is only a pretense of life.

Duty and loyalty become substitutes for our inability to love ourselves and others.Then we insist our leaders heal the suffering created by our own divided minds.
~William Martin's translation of the the Tao Te Ching



A friend had this on facebook a week or so ago and it struck a chord in me for many reasons deep impersonal and personal, but for now I write for "Brooke Time"  and am not going to get all deep about other people/politics/socially...

 I had been having thoughts long before Declan was born about how to be the best I can be in all the roles I have with the new, very important role of "Mom".  I want to be a great mom, but I don't want to only be a great mom... and maybe to some ears it sounds harsh to say that, but I know that should resonate with people too.  I don't want to forget I was a wife first to Andy and I don't want to forget who "Brooke" is.  I know I need to continue my hobbies of golf and volleyball, and working out, and going to church, though the desire to do it all 4-5 days a week has declined because I WANT to be with Declan and Andy, I am not going to let myself cut it all out because I know I wouldn't be a happy person if I didn't love myself and have a bit of me time.  

And of course this has come to the forefront of my mind right now at 6:30 am since I have been wide awake since 4:00 am with school to-do lists, housing chores before school to-do lists, family thoughts, etc. etc....  

I know some people rank first Christian/Family/Work/Self or whatever order they see for them, but I don't think ranking is for me... I want balance... at least semi-balance... because family/me slightly tip the scale over "Mrs. Thrall", I still want to be a good teacher.  And when school starts soon I know I'll be so exhausted I won't be wide awake at 4:00 am because I can't nap like I plan to today ;)

And I know there is no cut and dry system and answer (and that sucks.. cuz I like "systems" :) ) and there will just be give and take in all my roles now...  I am sad but relieved to both not be coaching volleyball this fall and I am not worried if my 31 director role requirements slip (I'll still be a consultant and sell to my customers and do some parties... but not at a level with higher sale requirements put on me) because sadly, since Declan was born, the hours in the day didn't increase to like 28-30 hours that I could just play and cuddle and spend a whole extra 4-6+ hours a day that I have been doing this summer/maternity leave.    And life and the days will just continue and I will try my best everywhere... and fail everywhere at times but I'll be ok with that... mostly ok..  as long as I live from my heart, love myself and others !